


The Lies We Tell

by Snarcasm318



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-02-23 03:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snarcasm318/pseuds/Snarcasm318
Summary: Hi! How about a golly fic title prompt? “The Lies We Tell.”
Relationships: Gail Peck/Holly Stewart
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [witkneec](https://archiveofourown.org/users/witkneec/gifts).



Everyday she looked in the mirror and told herself that she was one day further away from the person she had been. One more day of distance and silence. One more day that her heart had a chance to heal. Everyday she lied to herself that it hurt just a little bit less.

\---

Her shift was finally over and Gail was finally free to drown her migraine with tequila. An entire day filled with hours of incessant questions and making sure that Fox kept his gun in its holster but now she was finally able to go to the Penny with the others and forget all about her new life as a TO. She could forget about the mountain of paperwork she had just completed after her idiot rookie tackled an innocent guy in the street instead of the perp they had been pursuing. Just a few more feet and she would be out of the station and free from her responsibilities.

Gail was so close to freedom but a collision with a body in the doorway and a stack of papers from a file flying everywhere detoured her.

“I’m so sorry!”

“Holly?”

The flustered brunette looked up from the papers she was collecting from the the floor. Whe her hand reached up to adjust her glasses, Gail was pretty sure her heart skipped.

“Gail. Hi.”

“Hi? What’re you doing here? This isn’t San Francisco.”

Holly stood up, files messy in her arms, but a smile on her face. “You don’t say? I must’ve made a wrong turn at the airport.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m back.”

“Back?”

“Yeah, ummm... I know this is surprising and I didn’t really think that I would bump into you like this and so quickly but umm now that I have maybe we could talk. Can we talk? Somewhere? Tonight, maybe?”

“Talk? Ummm….I...um...” 

Gail’s phone rang and she answered the number she didn’t recognize just for an excuse to not answer the question. 

“Yeah, I’ll come get her.” Gail hung up and looked back at the expectant face of her ex. The former love of her life that until five minutes ago she believed was across the continent from her. “I have to go.”

“Right, yeah, of course. Ummm I still think we should talk when you have some time.”

“Umm yeah sure.” The promise was one that Gail had no intention of keeping. She started to walk away.

“Oh, and Gail….”

“Hmmm?”

“It was good to see you.”

“Yeah, right, uh you too.”

It was good, _ so _ good in fact that Gail sprinted from the building.

  
\---

“It’s my fault.”

“That I’m here right now? Yeah, you’re right, it is.”

“It’s my fault she’s dead.” Chloe tilted back the empty glass in her hand. She nearly fell off the stool she was precariously sitting on. 

Gail didn’t bother trying to stop her as she took the stool next to her and waved to the bartender for a drink for herself. Just because it wasn’t the Penny, didn’t mean she didn’t deserve at least one drink after the day she had.

“It’s not your fault.” 

“She was my responsibility. I was her TO and she’s dead because of me.”

“Listen, Price, people die in this job. We get shot at, stabbed, set on fucking fire. We know what we’re signing up for when we put on the badge and we go out there everyday knowing that it could be our last. It’s a part of the job. You did the best you could, but it’s not your fault what happened to your rookie.”

Gail finished her one drink and helped a stumbling Chloe out to her car. She drove her back to her actual apartment after Chloe refused to go to the frathouse Gail still shared with Chris and Dov. Despite her hatred of helping people Gail managed to navigate Chloe up to her own bed.

Just as she was leaving, Chloe spoke up.

“You’re a good friend, Gail.”

“I’m not your friend, Price.”

“Liar.”

Gail hit the lights and locked the door on the way out.

\--

Waking up with her heart racing, her skin on fire, and an ache between her legs had Gail wishing that dreams were reality. But the reality was that the person she was dreaming about wasn’t that same one sharing her bed that night. As quietly as she could, she slipped out of her own room and into the shower.

By the time she came back, Frankie was sitting on the edge of the bed fully dressed. Gail braced herself for the conversation she had been avoiding for weeks.

“Are you still in love with her?”

“Who?”

“You know who?”

“I’m not doing this.  _ We’re _ not doing this.”

“Are you?.”

“That isn’t what this is, Frankie. This is just two people messing around. We don’t talk about things, let alone feelings.”

“I told you from the start that I won’t come second to anyone or anything. Definitely not to a memory or even the resurrection of the one who got away.”

Gail kept her face impassive but tightened her grip on the towel around her body, “I don’t have feelings for her anymore.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you’re a horrible liar, Peck?”

The way Frankie said her last name echoed in her brain long after the door slammed in her face.

  
\---

“I didn’t come back here for you.”

Gail ignored the ache in her chest at Holly’s words. She opened her mouth to respond but Holly was already talking again.

“I mean, I came back here for the job. Promotion, really. I didn’t-don’t expect anything from you but it would be nice if you didn’t feel like you had to avoid me.”

‘I wasn’t avoiding you.”

“Well, that’s what it seemed like.”

“Well, I wasn’t.”

Gail could see that Holly wanted to say something. Maybe call her out on such a bald-faced lie. But the brunette simply opened her mouth and then closed it before trying again.

“Ok, good, I just wanted you to know that you didn’t have to if you were.”

“Thanks for clearing that up.”

“I just-”

“No. It’s cool, Holly, I get it. Is that the file Traci needs?”

Holly handed it over and Gail turned as quickly as she could so Holly couldn’t see how badly she hurt.

  
  
\---  
  


“Are you going to tell her how you feel?”

Gail contemplated pushing Chloe out of her moving vehicle. Or maybe throwing herself out.

“Are you going to stop being a lush?”

“I’m fine.”

“Stop lying to yourself, Price. You’re not fine. If you were I wouldn’t be getting called every night to come pick you up. You and Dov wouldn’t have broken up and you definitely wouldn’t be passing out in my car.”

“I’m awake.”

“You should talk to someone.”

“I’m talking to you. About Holly.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Now who’s the one lying to herself?”

“Go to sleep, Price.”

Chloe closed her eyes and Gail kept driving. Maybe she should just keep going. Leave Toronto and everyone in it behind.

\---  
  


“Hi.”

“Hey. Hi. What are you doing here?”

“The Penny is still the closest place to the lab with the best prices.”

“Right.”

“I guess some things don’t change, huh?” Holly asked as she motioned to the bartender for two whiskeys. “So are you here alone or…?”

Gail felt an arm slip around her waist.

“Hey. There you are.” It was the first time Frankie had spoken to her since leaving her room. It was also the most PDA she had ever received from the woman. In case that wasn’t enough, Gail was even more annoyed when Frankie took a sip from the drink Holly had just handed her.

“Dr. Stewart. Welcome back.”

“Detective Anderson, I didn’t know you spent time at 15.”

“Yeah, well, it started out as an assignment but I found some good reasons to stick around.”

Gail snarled when Frankie winked at her.

“Right. Well I should go, let you two get back to your evening.” 

Gail watched helplessly as Holly walked over to a table with other people who worked in the lab. She wanted to stop her, to push Frankie away, but what was the point?

As soon as Holly was gone, Frankie stepped away and gave Gail back her drink. Gail eyed her suspiciously.

“I thought you didn’t play second fiddle to anyone.”

“I figured I’d help you out.”

“How so?”

“Did you see how jealous she was?”

“She’s not jealous. She’s over me.” The words tasted even more bitter than the whiskey in her hand.

“Peck, I don’t know which one of you is lying or maybe you both are but that woman wants nothing more than to be under you.”

Gail opened her mouth to argue but a buzzing in her pocket distracted her. Looking at her ringing phone, Gail sighed and downed her drink, “Come on, Anderson.”

“Where are we going?” But Frankie followed her anyway.

“I need another drink and to pick someone up. You’re driving.”

  
\---  
  


“Are you messing around with Frankie?”

Gail had had her suspicions, but after she caught sight of the hickey on Chloe’s neck in the locker room, she decided to finally call her out on it.

“What? No. Frankie hates me.”

“Then why are you wearing her shirt?”

“Umm...uhh…..”

“Yeah that’s what I thought. You have a terrible poker face, Price.”

“This is just my face.”

“Exactly. Well, at least now I know why I haven’t been getting as many calls.”

“I haven’t been going to the bar anymore. And I started talking to a therapist.”

“And you started screwing Anderson. Good for you.”

“You’re not mad.”

“About Anderson? No. You can have her. She was just there to…”

“Help you get over Holly. How’d that work out for you?”

“Shut up, Price.”

Gail slammed her locker shut. So what if she wasn’t over Holly. Holly was over her.

  
\---

Halfway through her shift and Gail was hiding from her rookie when someone practically tackled her into an empty interrogation room.

“What the hell?” She was ready to unload but all her anger turned into confusion at the sight of the person who had grabbed her. “Holly?”

“I lied.”

“What?”

“About why I came back. I lied. I did come back for the job but I wanted to be here. I missed everyone. But I missed you most of all. So I did come back for you. And I know it might be too late and you’ve moved on and that’s okay. I’d rather have you in my life as a friend then not-”

Gail cut off the rambling the only way she knew how. The kiss was everything. Everything she had wanted and hoped for and missed.

“Sorry, you had to stop talking.”

Gail couldn’t stop the smiling from spreading across her face. The look was mirrored by Holly’s slightly crooked one.

“I won’t say another word.”

Gail would be lying if she said the next kiss wasn’t even better.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time she ever lied to her was on the day they met. She should’ve known then that they were doomed, but standing in the lab where the most beautiful, desolate woman she had ever met was swinging around on a stool lamenting about being a cat and the lie just slipped out. She claimed that she “used to be that way” but then realized that she just didn’t like men. She had told the blonde that becoming a lesbian had fixed her. But it hadn’t. Because when it came to relationships she was a runner. And god, had she run. 

\---

She wished she could say she was a better person but it didn’t stop at just one lie. A stupid setup that meant nothing to her but the words slipped out anyway. 

The woman was lovely, really, she was but she wasn’t a someone someone. 

Because the someone that she couldn’t stop thinking about had already offered to buy her a drink. And Holly just wanted to be at the bar with Gail, but Gail was just her friend. Or at least that’s what she kept telling herself. 

Until she heard. 

Shots fired at officers. One was at the hospital. And then she lied again. The courier was sick...or something. It wasn’t one of her bests, but it gave her an excuse to pull Gail into an empty room. It gave her an excuse to tell the blonde how she had lied. 

And when she felt Gail’s lips on her own, she had never been more happy to have lied in her life. 

\---

Sitting in the bar claiming that her and Gail were having fun hadn’t felt like a lie. 

It was fun and relationships were not so she lied. Yes, she lied to Lisa, but truth be told she was also lying to herself. 

Fun wouldn’t get her hurt. 

Fun wouldn’t send Gail crashing out of a tree. 

Fun would keep things where they were and things were good until she turned to see Gail’s face and damn did Fun hurt. 

So she lied to herself and said that San Francisco was about a job, an opportunity to boost her career, and had absolutely nothing to do with the pain that felt like it would never end unless she ran. 

She wasn’t running away, she was running towards. 

At least that’s what she told herself.

\--

The next lie she told though would be the end of them. 

She lied about seeing someone. 

Because there was a beautiful, charming woman standing in front of her, reaching out to her, but she was still hurting, so she lied. And when Gail finally said all the things she wanted to hear. She panicked and shut down and she choked back the tears long enough to say “Goodnight Gail” and then she ran. 

Ran as fast as the tears streamed down her face. 

By the time she came to her senses everything was too little and it was far too late. 

San Francisco was calling and Gail was staying so she lied again, promised that she understood, and that it was for the best. 

None of it could be the best if Gail wasn’t in her life. But lying had become so natural so she got on a plane and the last thing she saw was the most beautiful, desolate woman she had ever seen and she lied that it would be okay.

  
  


\---

San Francisco was about a job. 

A new opportunity. A fresh start. It had absolutely nothing to do with alcohol or unanswered phone calls or the replyless texts she sent. 

Absolutely. Nothing. 

It was the belief that got her on the plane. It was the mantra that got her out of bed in the morning. It was the hope that got her through each day on the West Coast of a country she didn’t even like. 

It was the lie that came to light every time she closed her eyes and saw blue eyes looking back at her.

\---

Toronto was about a woman. 

It just happened to come with a job attached. A convenient excuse to give to any and everyone who asked. Homesickness. Her friends and family were in Toronto. But it was her heart that she needed back. And that only belonged to one person. 

She would tell her the truth. This time it would be different. The folder she held was the paperwork that would get her reinstated. It would make it all permanent again. 

Walking into 15 Division, she had never expected that the one person she wanted to see the most would blindside her so badly. But when she looked up from her strewn papers, her heart actually stopped. Gail was just as beautiful, maybe even more so, than the last time she had seen her. But also more guarded. 

Holly just needed to tell her the truth. 

That she was back. 

That she was back for  _ her _ . 

They just needed to talk. 

“Yeah, ummm... I know this is surprising and I didn’t really think that I would bump into you like this and so quickly but umm now that I have maybe we could talk. Can we talk? Somewhere? Tonight, maybe?”

“Talk? Ummm….I...um...” 

Gail’s phone rang and Holly tried not to listen but she still heard the “Yeah, I’ll come get  **her** .” 

Gail was running off to pick someone else up. It was Gail’s turn to run and Holly was left with words unsaid and a very messy folder.

\--

“It’s my fault. She’s moved on.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do!” The whiskey made Holly’s voice much louder than she realized. “ She moved on. Of course she moved on. Why would Gail sit around pining for someone who left her? She could have anyone she wants and that isn’t me.”

“You don’t know that.” Rachel repeated. It was probably the tenth time that night she had said those exact words.

But there was no convincing Holly. She couldn’t lie to herself. She knew that she wasn’t good enough to get Gail back. That she didn’t deserve her.

“I’ve tried to talk to her. I’ve  _ tried _ , Rachel. Every time I see her. But she just keeps on running.”

“Maybe you need to try harder.”

‘I’ve tried, Rach.”

“For some reason, I don’t quite believe you.”

\---

It wasn’t the first time she’d wake up with a throbbing between her legs, a cold sweat clinging to her shirt, the sheets tangled around her as memories took over her dreams. She had been back for weeks and the dreams only seemed to get worse. During the day she could distract herself. She could focus on work and her friends and her family. 

She could ignore the ache in her chest every time she saw Gail laughing with someone else, or punching one of the guys, or mocking Chloe. She swore it didn’t hurt to see her back, every time Holly tried to talk to her. 

She could go to the bar with Rachel and Lisa and act like everything was fine.

“Now that you’re back I could set you up with….”

Holly tuned Lisa out. She didn’t really want to see her. But Rachel had insisted and Lisa had been contrite. At least as contrite as she could possibly be.

“Are you still in love with her?”

Holly startled. “Who?”

“You know who?”

“I’m not doing this.  _ We’re _ not doing this.”

“Are you?”

“I’m talking to  _ you _ about Gail.”

“I didn’t make you say those words. You weren’t ready then and you’re not ready now. Just admit it, Stewart. You are the smartest woman I know, graduated top of our class, but you still can’t admit that you’re in love with her.”

“That isn’t what this is about.”

“Liar.”

\---

“I didn’t come back here for you.”

Holly didn’t know why she said it. But Gail was leaning against the frame of the door to her lab. One foot in. One foot out. And the words just came out. She ignored the ache in her chest and kept talking. 

“I mean, I came back here for the job. Promotion, really. I didn’t-don’t expect anything from you but it would be nice if you didn’t feel like you had to avoid me.”

‘I wasn’t avoiding you.”

“Well, that’s what it seemed like.”

“Well, I wasn’t.”

Holly didn’t believe her. She opened her mouth, ready to ask Gail that if that was true, why did she keep running away from her every chance she had. Why had they still not sat down and talked? But she swallowed the words back down.

“Ok, good, I just wanted you to know that you didn’t have to if you were.”

“Thanks for clearing that up.”

Holly wasn’t sure but for a moment she thought she heard a trace of hurt in Gail’s voice. She didn’t want to hurt Gail. She just wanted her back in her life.

“I just-”

“No. It’s cool, Holly, I get it. Is that the file Traci needs?”

Holly handed it over and Gail was gone before Holly could say another word. She didn’t even get the chance to ask if they could be friends again.

\---

“You need to stop lying to yourself.” Rachel warned.

Holly knew what she had seen. Her friend had witnessed her bringing coffee to Gail on her way out of the station. The blonde was working nights and Holly knew how much she hated them. So it was just a friendly gesture. An act of solidarity even. 

So were the random snacks or lunches that Holly sometimes dropped at her desk, and the files that she now hand-delivered, and the pieces of evidence that most definitely need her to make the trek to 15 rather than the courier who was getting paid to do so.

At least that’s what Holly told herself.

But what Rachel saw was the way Holly looked at Gail like a lovesick puppy as the blonde got pulled away by some detective-looking person.

“I’m not lying. I just want Gail to be happy. Even if it’s not with me. At least not in that way. I can handle it. I just want us to be friends again.”

“Right. Because friends worked out so well for you to the first time.”

“Just shut up and drive.”

\---

It had been Holly’s suggestion for everyone to go to the Penny after they closed a big case. The entire lab deserved to celebrate that night, but when it was time to decide where, it had been Holly who had argued against the bar that was just down the street from the lab in favor of the cop bar a few blocks away.

It had nothing to do with the blonde woman she spotted at the bar the moment she stepped into the crowded pub. 

“Hi.”

“Hey.” The look of surprise before shifting to an actual smile made Holly’s heart race. “Hi. What are you doing here?”

“The Penny is still the closest place to the lab with the best prices.”

“Right.”

“I guess some things don’t change, huh?” Holly asked as she motioned to the bartender for two whiskeys. It was easy almost. “So are you here alone or…?”

As an arm slid around Gail’s waist and a familiar face appeared over her shoulder, Holly felt her stomach drop. Frankie Anderson. Gail had moved on with the loudmouthed, cynical, detective who loved to hit on anyone with a vagina and a pulse. Holly wasn’t sure what was worse. Having this new knowledge or being forced to make small talk with her. 

She excused herself as quickly as she could and headed back to her own group of tables. She started talking to Rodney and kept her eyes fixed anywhere but on the new couple. It was why she definitely didn’t notice when they left the bar only a few minutes later.

No definitely not.

  
  


“She’s not dating Frankie.”

“What?”

“Not anymore at least. I mean Gail and Frankie used to do the do but it’s been over for months now. Honestly, I doubt it lasted long after you came back.”

“Gail is free to see whoever she wants.”

“She wants you. I don’t know how the two of you are the only people on the planet who can’t seem to figure that out. And I know you want her too.”

“

Holly dragged her feet as she followed Chloe to the scene of the crime. It might have been a shadow, but she could’ve sworn there was a hickey on the redhead’s neck.

  
  
  


Holly knew that she needed to find a better way. But Chloe, and Rachel and Lisa had been right. She had been lying to herself and to Gail and needed to tell Gail the truth. She just needed to not lose her courage in the process. Cutting through the halls of 15 Division, she made a beeline straight for her target and practically tackled her into an empty interrogation room.

“What the hell? Holly?”

“I lied.” It felt good to finally get the words out.

“What?”

“About why I came back. I lied. I did come back for the job but I wanted to be here. I missed everyone. But I missed you most of all. So I did come back for you. And I know it might be too late and you’ve moved on and that’s okay. I’d rather have you in my life as a friend then not-”

Holly was rambling but she couldn’t stop herself. She needed Gail to know the truth, but then Gail cut off the rambling the best way she knew how. The kiss was everything. Everything she had wanted and hoped for and missed.

“Sorry, you had to stop talking.”

Holly’s heart was already hammering in her chest, but at the sight of Gail’s smile, she swore that it was trying to leave her ribcage behind altogether.

“I won’t say another word.”

Holly would be lying if she said the next kiss wasn’t even better.


End file.
